Repeating Patterns

I have a good friend who NEVER learns from others. She has to make her own mistakes all the time. She has to fall flat on her face a few times, while others say, 'Dear, do you think you should be walking that way?'

She never takes advice. In fact, if you warn her she may possibly be going wrong and may end up in trouble, you'll likely be snapped at for your trouble. She'll go into lengthy explanations as to why she's happy doing what she'd doing and will even gather quite a little following around her in the process.

Then God will tap her on the shoulder, more than once probably, and she'll wake up to her mistakes, even sin. She'll repent, publicly. She'll tell people God told her to change her ways and to give her her due, she will change. She'll use the Bible to vindicate her change and people will admire her for doing so.

But there is a repeating pattern to her behaviour. Striding out, armed with Biblical justifications for her choices, she'll fall flat on her face again. Again, her friends will suggest where she might be headed (face down in a muddy puddle.) But will she listen? No, she'll snap at you when you try to advise her. Again. And Again.

This isn't a real person. One real person. It's so many of us, including myself. Don't you recognise in yourself just a little bit of her repeating ways of confidence, error, self-justification, anger at friends, being challenged by God, recognition of error, changing of ways?

I've been thinking a lot about Titus 2 in recent years. When I was a new Christian 10 years ago, I longed for an older mentor-mother. There were none available. They were all out at work and busy with their own families. After a few years, I realised that I was in a sufficiently advanced state of Decrepitude to be that mentor-mother myself. So off I galloped looking for someone to rescue from their ways. That's when I met all the other women striding purposefully towards disaster. I tried to warn them, but would they listen? No. They were just like me in that respect!

I think I've figured out why we are like this. Criticism will only be welcome in the context of relationship. Since we don't value living in community or take time to develop our christian friendships, value our independence more highly than our interdependence, we will never have the framework in which criticism will feel like a blessing and not a stab in the back.

God warns us over an over about how to walk our Christian lives. Not only do we hesitate to take his Word seriously, but we also ignore our Christian sisters when they attempt to warn us of impending disaster. I guess we're all just sheep gone astray.

Last week on the way to Wales, we passed an awful lot of sheep! High up in the hills, the road wound slowly round a corner, where I saw a large bird, possibly a red kite, sat patiently on a fence post. Gradually, I took in the scene. A ewe stood between this carrion feeder and a small, very young, lamb, lying prostrate on the grass. The more I think about this scene, the more I realise that the lamb was already dead. The bird was just waiting patiently. The ewe was completely unable to help her lamb.

This picture has haunted me. We are so like this ewe and the lamb, so vulnerable- To difficult circumstances, to useless shepherds, to the Enemy of our souls, to our own blind self-confidence.

Please Lord, help me to not keep repeating the errors of my past.
Save me from myself.