I'm moving to a new blog

New phase, fresh start. You are welcome to come along:

http://thefailedperfectionist.blogspot.com/

Dorothy

Facebook

I'm sorry I've been such a bad blogger lately. I do love my blog and will post occasionally, but I am switiching to facebook for a while becasue I really only have short snatches of time available at the moment, rather than the chunks of time I'd need to write a blog post. And though I really enjoy reading other people's blogs, I'll probably have less time for that too for a while.

Later in the late spring, early summer, I'll be out and about more and wanting to post photographs as a family record of sorts, so I will be back soon.

If you want to keep in touch more regularly (and I hope you do), please look for me as Dorothy Murphy of Oxford, UK.

College Interviews

So, both Grace and Jack have applied for Further Education College course places for next September'. Jack has applied to study A Levels in what would be the final two years of his secondary level education but in a college rather than a school. Secondary schools, even in their '6th Forms', tend to have silly, petty rules and they also have children aged 11-18 years. Jack needs more young adult company and after 16 years, feels he has sort of evolved beyond schooling. LOL!

Here's an example of a school having silly, petty rules: Jack's best friend is 14 and going to school for the first time in September. He has already sat two of his IGCSE's and is sitting another two, History and English, in the summer. The school he is going to say that, no matter what grade he gets, he will have to sit in the English GCSE classes for the next two years and sit the exam again at the end of it, because 'that's the law'. Now, what I'd have done, as his new headteacher, would be to let him sit in the library during those English lessons and study for his other exams, OR let him sit in on English AS lessons. But oh no, that would be sensible and schools are not known for thier sensibleness or flexibility. Yet, every school will have on its website about how the needs of the individual child are paramount. Yeah, right.

Anyway, back to our Further Education College interviews. Most people apply for their nearest one and have one, maybe two interviews. {sigh} But we've applied for the THREE nearest colleges and have had interviews for BOTH kids going on. Which means I've accompanied one of the kids to 7 out of  9 interviews/assessments since Christmas now.

Crucial for Grace will be the pastoral care and SEN support package at whichever college she goes to. Crucial for Jack will be the challenging nature of the entire experience, but also excellence in teaching and thorough preparation for university (if that's where he is headed). And it is our prayer that both of these situations will be found in the ONE college so that they can travel together each day.

Well, that is not looking too likely. So far, College A would be great for Jack but not so much for Grace. And College B is the other way round. It seems that some colleges are excellent for academic courses and others for vocational ones. We still have 2 more interviews/assessments to go at College C. This one has a longer journey, but if it's good for both kids that will be the one. If it's deficient for one of them, I guess we'll have to consider the worst option: Grace and Jack heading off in different directions each morning. And that will probably mean one thing. I'll be driving Grace.

So much for my dreams of finding my own niche in society again after 20 years of serving my children. I guess that's a dream I will have to give up anyway because having an adult child with a disability means just that. I will always be needing to put her first.

It's quite a stressful time really, for all of us, not knowing what is happening next. Jack and Jamie are pretty laid back people though, so they are managing it fine. Grace is quite exhausted with all the interviews and assessments and she has several 'Functional Skills' exams, in Literacy, Numeracy and ICT coming up in college in a couple of weeks which is adding to her stress. When we've decided on a next step for them both, I'll feel a lot more secure again.

More Diet Misery and Other Matters

I'm shocked to discover that Grace has lost as much weight as I have in the last week and a half (3 pounds) and she wasn't supposed to be on a diet, as her weight is in the perfect range. The rest of the family has been eating a bit healthier with me, as I've been making more salads, but I'm so frustrated with this. She can't afford to lose too much more weight. I need to lose LOADS. What's the answer to this connundrum then?{g}

Jack has put a pound on, but then he's been working out/running every day and at age 16 seems to be putting on a lot of muscle, which I would think is normal for a young man. Jamie reports no change.

I hate the sight of spinach now, which seems to appear several times a day. I bet I have great iron levels though. {g}

It's been a busy week, with two college interviews for Grace and continued, unrelated, arguments with Those In Authority. I just seem to be fighting beaurocracy on several fronts at the moment, which drains one's energy, so I guess I should be thankful for that spinach really.

We're also planning the next concert and have done a lot of publicity work this past week. This weekend we start the business of planning the set list and figuring out arrangements.

I've managed to work out every day for the last 13 days, aside from Sunday, when I gave myself a rest! Today we're meeting friends for a meal out at an oriental 'all you can eat' place which will be my downfall a serious test of my willpower. We'll be chaperoning the large group of young adults with Asperger's Syndrome, whilst they socialise, which is never boring. Grace and her friend, also called Grace, are the only two girls in this group, and so their company is in great demand. Jamie will be keeping a protective eye out!

Gotta go now and eat spinach.

Random Dozen

Got to second cup of coffee for more random dozens.

1. Have you ever fired a gun or shot a bow and arrow?

Yes, I learned archery at school and have done target rifle practice. I'm pretty good at both, if I say so myself.{LOL!}

2. Do you know where your childhood best friends are?
No. I am not on Facebook. I joined Friends Reunited a few years ago, but I only remembered a few names. I grew up in the RAF where friendship didn't last long. Though I do seem to remember being in love with someone called David Ayling when I was 8. He was last seen heading off to Aden (Yemen) with his parents in 1965. Know him?

3. Do you usually arrive early, late, or on time?
When it's up to me, always early. I was even early to my own wedding, When the car arrived, half the guests were still arriving and the chauffer was told to drive around a bit more until they got into the church! I've tried being fashionably late, but I always fail. My kids however, are experts.

4. Are you more of a New York or California type?
Mmmm....not quite sure. I do love sunshine and the ocean, but then I enjoy the excitement of a city too.

5. Do you have a special ring tone?
Nope. I can never figure out how to use the flipping phone anyway. I've only just learned how to text...

6. What is your favorite type of chip?
The baked bagel slices which I only seem to be able to get rarely, at Costco.

7. Best comedy you've ever seen is ....
'This is Spinal Tap'. I've seen it about 25 times, each time actually ON a rock band tour bus and I always weep with laughter.

8. Have you ever cut your own hair? To quote Dr. Phil, "How'd that work for ya?"
Yes, when we were poor. No choice. How'd it turn out? Not good.

9. If you were going to have an extreme makeover, would you rather it be about your house or your personal self?
If someone could help me lose weight and look 20 years younger WITHOUT surgery I'd be up for that. Otherwise, I'd love another bathroom in our house! LOL!

10. Are you allergic to anything?
Yes. Pollen. It's British pollen though, because I didn't get hay fever at all during the summers we we're in other countries.

11. Why is it so hard to change?
That's one for God. Though I suspect it's something to do with God giving us our personalities for a reason.

12. One last question dedicated to February - love: CS Lewis said, "To love is to be vulnerable." Please share one example of that assertion or share any thought you'd like to about this topic.
Yes, he went on to say that even if you give your heart to an animal, then you can expect it to be broken at some point, when the pet dies. Few of us manage to avoid loving and so few of us will be able to avoid heartbreak. Back to David Ayling again. LOL!

Lunch after church with Scotty

We were joined for church on Sunday by Scotty, a friend who is back in Oxford for some work to complete his DPhil. He goes through his viva tomorrow. It's a big deal, the formal defence of his thesis, which was several years' work.

He's been working hard to prepare for it, whilst Joelyn and his children are back in Washington D.C. He needed a break from his studies so he came to our church and he kindly took us out to lunch afterwards at the tea shop across the road.

We had a great time. Just wished it could have been longer and that the whole family could have been there. Good luck for Tuesday, Scott!

Diet Day 7

Huuummmm, well this diet promises weight loss of 8-14 pounds after the first two weeks: Phase One of the South Beach diet. After 7 days I weighed myself and I've lost 2 lbs. And I can easily fluctuate like that every week any way, so I have to admit I am rather disappointed.

However, I have to admit that I didn't actually expect it to work as well as it claims. There seems to be a lot of fat in this diet. Perhaps I should be waiting until after the second week though. I've been consistently exercising for 30 mins a day too, which is way more than normal!

Yesterday a friend visiting from the US took us out for lunch in a cafe, after church. It was great to see him but also nice to have my first piece of bread (and butter) for a week! {LOL!} It was wholewheat and it tasted like heaven. I am clearly addicted to carbohydrates, if that is the way I feel about that piece of bread!

I am beginning to see more clearly why poor people are usually overweight in this country. When we are trying to live on a small grocery budget, I don't tend to buy lots of expensive meat and vegetables out of season. I would buy lots of filling bready type things and cheap fruits like apples, grapes and bananas. The carbs would fill us up and give my kids the energy they need, along with modest amounts of protein and dairy products. But this just sets us up to crave carbs and sugars (even non-processed, natural carbs and sugars in fruit). I am seeing the truth of this now.

{sigh!} Well, I will stick with it and hope that it will make some sort of difference in the longer term.

Incredibly, it is snowing again today. All sorts of records being broken here for weather this winter. I really hope it's going to be followed by a record-breakingly hot summer this year!

We have a busy week ahead with visits from friends and a couple of college interviews for Grace. And more preparations for the town's mission week and our concert which kicks it off. {biting my nails!) And Jack has another Maths exam next week so he is buried in practice papers.

Meat and veg at every meal?

What a bizarre idea.

So, I'm eating spinach salad and scrambled eggs for breakfast, when I'm used to a bowl of weetabix with milk and a banana.

I'm having a HUGE mixed salad with smoked mackerel for lunch, instead of a cheese and tomato sandwhich and an apple.

And Tuscan Bean soup, with no bread, for dinner, with a handful of nuts for a snack, instead of say, pasta with veg and cheese and bread.

Is it really going to make that much difference?

I am slightly hungrier but not much. I am still craving dairy products, and the cereals which always filled me up, like rice, pasta, even oatcakes as a snack. It's pretty rough.  This is day four and I've exercised for 30-40 minutes each day. When shall I weigh myself and expect a result? LOL! I need FAST results or I will give up, I fear.

Just to reward myself, today I am going for a mammogram. Woopee! :-( That's Advanced Decrepitude for you. Diets, reading glasses, sore joints and mammograms. Without even the blessings of grandchildren! It seems a little unfair to me.

Whine, whiney, whine, whine.

Oh, and I'm not allowed any wine, either.
Or orange juice.
Or even a flippin grape.

Keep me going, friends!

I'm a Diet and Exercise Disaster!

My track record for losing weight is abysmal. The only times I've ever lost weight were:

1. When Jamie and I wnet through a very bad phase of our relationship before we were married. His touring with a rock band, known for its partying life-style, for months on end, was to blame and we had a crisis which nearly ended in a break-up. I lost a couple of stone, mainly because I was smoking so much I didn't have time to eat  and,

2. During my pregnancies. Yes, I lost weight then. From me. I put on a few pounds which were basically the babies, but I shed loads from my face, arms, legs etc. I always end up skinnier after a pregnancy than before I start. That'll be because I feel so nauseous in the first few months and have no room in there for food during the last few.

But apart from those times above, my track record has been putting weight ON from about age 22 onwards. The last 15 years, I've been more or less stable. But far heavier than I should be.

I've tried exercising regularly but just end up putting on weight. The exercise makes me hungrier and so I eat more. I know, I know. No one ever believes me. I'm used to that. When I was about 30, Jamie and I were living in Los Angeles and we went to a personal trainer every day. Even when I was training hard, still smoking, so not eating that much I only managed to maintain a UK size 14. Sad but true.

Diets? I tried all of them in my 20's and early 30's. I spent the best part of 10 years feeling horribly hungry. Yet still overweight. I always swore I would never go on another diet.

Yet, here I am again at the start of another one, This feels like it's my last chance to get my weight under control before I end up a heart attack or stroke statistic like so many of my relatives. Soooooooo....
I'm trying the diet so many people rave about, the South Beach one.

Oh boy, I don't know if I can face all that meat, but I'm trying. After living on an almost vegetarian diet (living with Jamie who is vegetarian) for so many years means that it's a struggle for me. After 24 hours with no cereals of any kind (no carbs for the first 2 weeks) I realise that I am pretty much addicted to them. The cravings are weird. And unlike when I was giving up smoking and could just not have any cigarettes in the hiouse, I can't do that with bread etc. The kids need the energy from them.

It's a very expensive diet to be on. My last shopping trip cost me twice as much as I normally spend, but thankfully, Jamie is behind me. He's going to do a modified form of it. (He really doesn't need to lose weight.) And he's going to help me with the exercise too. We're starting to use the wii regularly again, after a little prompting from my friend Windy, who reminded me of its fun nature.

Here we go again, then. It's been 20 years since I made a serious effort to lose weight and get fit. Let's hope it works this time.

Do you have any stories, experiences or tips for me?

Bits and Pieces

Rehearsing before Sunday's concert.

You would think that was snow, wouldn't you?

You'd be wrong. It's hail.

Every woman needs a tidy desk.

This one is only tidy because it's new. Give me time.

My kids' passport photos. The aren't allowed to smile for those.

The three little girls? I'm the one in the middle. That was me 43 years ago.

Tempus Fugit

Angry Angrier Angriest

I went for an optician's appointment the other day and took Jack for an eye test. His eyesight has always been fine and I have no reason to believe that has changed but just wanted to check before he goes off to FE College in September. The office manager told me she'd been in touch with the Primary Care Agency and they were demanding that he pay £26 for the test because he was not registered at a school.

Well now. I sent him off for a coffee and I had my test and found out I need new reading glasses, so I cried at the thought of the £120 I have to pay for them. Okay, I didn't cry but I was upset. I took the name and number of the person at the PCA whom the Opticians had spoken to, went home and have spent much of the last few days tracking people down and shouting at them about this. Okay, I didn't shout but I was extremely terse.{g}

No one is interested in the fact that I still get Child Benefit for him or how full time his education is, just that he's not registered at a Local Authority school, which is how they check eligibility for kids 16+.

The PCA are adamant that they won't fund it because he's not registered with the LA (and so could be working.) They say the only way he could get free eye tests (and presumably prescriptions/dental as well) is by having an HC1 exemption certificate to prove that he has a low income. I kept saying, 'He doesn't have a low income. He doesn't have any income, because he's a child in year 11.' But that fell on deaf ears.

Next, I spoke to the Low Income Unit who issue the HC1 forms. They say that the HC1 is defininitely not designed for him, because he's still a child in full time education. {sigh} They tell me to go to the Dept of Health. The PCA also says it's because of Dept of Health policies.

Dept Health can't find their policies on HE'd children but will get back to me in 3 working days to tell me what they are. I personally doubt that they have any and the PCA is just making this up. If it's PCA policy then the Dept of Health will not overrride it, so I guess then it will then be time to see my poor MP, who is frankly sick to death of me and Home Ed now, because I've been lobbying him to ensure he doesn't support the stupid new bill going through Parliament, which is supposed, by the way, to make sure that home educated students get 'support' from the LA. Yeah, right. Like the support he gets now from the PCA.

I'm furious.

I've never complained about not having access to sports/music tuition, or free computers, or any of the other stuff we're excluded from because we HE and I don't even complain about having spent over a THOUSAND pounds on exam entries in the last year, because, when we didn't put him in school, we knew that would happen.

However, to be denied access to HEALTH CARE on the basis of the VENUE of his education is something 'up with which I will not put', as Winston Churchill said about prepositions at the end of sentences.

PS I realise this isn't going to make much sense to US readers and I am sorry about that, but I am sure you've also experienced the idiocy of government beaurocracy at some point. {g}