Sunday, January 24, 2010

Art Exhibition

In Britain, the age of children who are home educated is like a big fat pyramid, with a large proportion of children aged 5 or 6, but many fewer of the older ages.

Rarest of all are the teenagers of exam entry age 14-18 years. This is because it's not just a matter of parental transcripts for 'graduating' from secondary education and university entrance here. It's tough preparing kids to sit national criteria-referenced exams as 'proof' of an adequate education.

Because there are many fewer home educating aprents with 'exam experience' there is not the amount of mentoring by experienced parents of inexperienced ones, especially locally, that there should be. It was rare, when I started home educating 14 years ago to meet a parent with that experience, though it's more common now. The internet has helped. The UK's home ed exams Yahoo group is a fantastic source of experience and support. But locally, not so much.

In order to improve matters a little, I set up an exhibition of the exam work from a group of students who took the ART IGCSE last summer. It was held at a Montessori School in Oxford which has a good partnership with home educators. The room is a converted barn - a perfect venue.
The families who came were grateful to be able to see the work, match them with the grades the students achieved and take note of what the examiners were looking for. Some parents came from as far away as East London to the exhibition.

I've organised many, many activities for home educators over the years, as will some of my readers here, I'm sure. Mostly, it's very satuisfying to be able to help and encourage others in that community. But some aspects of dealing with home educating parents have always bugged me.

One of those is the fact that some parents just can't see why instructions apply to them. 10.00-12.00 the exhibition was on for. I had left Grace alone at home because she was ill. I couldn't bring her with me because she was feeling rotten and I don't like to leave her alone at home too long because of her disability.

 At 12.10, just after I'd packed up and was locking the door, a mother arrived with her child (as I knew would happen.) 'We made it!' she exclaimed. 'Well, actually, you didn't!' I thought, but did not say. This woman had driven for more than an hour to get there, but had clearly not planned to get there within the window of 10.00-12.00. That would be conforming to rules and rules are for other people, aren't they?

Fortunately, another parent offered to stay and help her, as I really did have to leave. But if I'd been on my own, what should I have done?

This is a typical event. Someone does a lot of work (in this case, me) to put on an event for the benefit of others and people from the group they are trying to help show little consideration for their effort. After 14 years now, I do expect it, but I am sad that I expect it. I really wish that the home educating community could pull together more and show each other respect.

If we failt to combat the proposed legislation to strangle home education in this country, it will be for this reason only, we failed to unite because we failed to respect each other.

Jack's efforts above! Some of the mums took photos. Mostly, I had a good morning of catching up with friends, like Jo, below. Just that off key note of the late arrival in an otherwise melodious tune.


Would this sort of thing bug you? Is it just my firtborn nature showing? In Born to Rebel, Frank Sulloway argues that firstborns are more conscientious, more socially dominant, less agreeable, and less open to new ideas compared to laterborns. Is it my fault for not being more relaxed?

14 comments:

Pamela said...

Yes, that sort of thing would bug me. I stopped going on field trips with my local homeschool group because the couple I went on were such stress-filled experiences, it put me right off. The trips we took were some distance away hence an early start time. There were always one or two, the same one or two mind you, who were late and held everyone else up. There was always one, the same one, who never had quite enough money necessitating others to chip in and help her out, or forcing the whole group to forfeit an extra activity because her child would not have been able to participate. The group always separated the boys and girls and put them in different vehicles. While I realize that each sex was probably friendlier with their own, sometimes it just smacked of puritanism.

The destinations were limited and for an educational group, that's frustrating. Several in the group held very fundamentalist Christian beliefs so we couldn't go anywhere that had anything to do with Native Americans (a crazy rule in New England where they play such a role in our history - think the first Thanksgiving!) because the children might be exposed to something spiritual and henceforth be contaminated for life. Ditto anything to do with any other faith. We once toured a lovely mosque in Illinois but this group would never deign to darken the doorstep of a mosque.

I'm kind of getting off track here and turning this into a personal rant (which believe me, I've wanted to do for some time!). However, back to your original point, yes, homeschoolers must respect each other in order to present a united front to those who believe/feel that we are extremists, anti-social, or just plain weird. And the bottom line is that it is all about respect, isn't it? I mean, you wouldn't turn up at a dinner party set for 8pm at 10pm and expect to be fed, would you?

A big round of applause to you for organizing this event. It is wonderful to be able to share your experiences with those who have not yet reached this stage in their children's education so that they know what to expect.

Renee said...

I am a punctual person and my family has been trained to be the same. I feel it is downright rude to continually be late (which some are week after week at Mass). Either the event is important enough to be on time or it's not very important.
If you'd been alone, I would have said "I'm sorry but the exhibit closed at noon and Ihave another engagement. Sorry you drove all this way for nothing".... maybe when folks miss out on numerous things, they'll start to be on time.... maybe

Deedee said...

I totally agree Dorothy! I've just had to close the support group I have run for over 8 years this summer. Hubby insisted that was the end!!!

I booked several outings for 5-6 families and then on the day was the only one to turn up or only one other! Very embarrasing and not fair on a museum etc who turned away a school group and booked us as a group of 20-30 and only had 5 turn up. They weren't amused! And this happened repeatedly.

Also on the respect thing - people wouldn't respect our life choices. We had families from many backgrounds and home ed philosophies but several of them seemed to think they had a right to tell me how to-

A - run the group (though they had no interest in organising an activity even when I was away!)

B - run my family (including my foster children who they didn't understand and thought should just be spoiled and given everything they wanted because of their hard life. They have behavioural problems that require a firm hand and they just called me cruel and heartless!)

C - how to feed my family! (They didn't agree with my families choices of what we eat and don't eat and regularly tried to feed my kids things during lunchtimes together that they knew I didn't allow!)

I couldn't take the stress anymore and hubby declared the whole thing OVER! I feel sorry for some families who looked forward to the fellowship and support, but I had to put my family (and my sanity!) first.

I'm also a first born, so can't comment on whether it is anything to do with that. I understand what you mean about the respect thing though. You and I didn't see completely eye to eye about all of the Badman debates - yet we have agreed to disagreed and remained civil with each other - even bloggy friends! We need to work together even if we don't agree on everything. 'A house divided against itself will not stand' - Abraham Lincoln

Linda said...

It's not just you. It would bug me terribly. After years and years of serving on our local group's steering committee, my husband has a pretty low opinion of many (most?) homeschoolers.

Julie said...

Yep, I am going to sadly agree with you too. I can't decide that some of the "habits" of home educators is a sort of reaction to the freedom of not being constrained by the school bell etc so they have got out of the habit of timekeeping etc; or whether some families chose to home educate becuas they found it too difficult to keep within the sort of boundaries that schools put on parents in the first place.

Have arranged trip for 100 to Portsmouth Historic Dockyard on Wed...complicated trip as it is with six different workshops - I just wonder at the possible permuatations of what might go wrong!!

Paula said...

I think First-born/later born does play a role. Also, anyone organizing an event is likely a responsible, conscientious person--and of course is bothered by those who are not. I'm afraid I suffer badly from middle-child syndrome--I expect other to do the organizing (really, even now if my extremely responsible older sister visits MY home, I expect HER to take charge!), and I am rarely bothered by anything someone else does or fails to do...I can't promise I wouldn't do the kind of thing that would irritate you--not because I have any intention of being discourteous, but because it's really hard to remember that so many of the things that don't bother me do bother other people!

berrypatch said...

I agree with you & everyone else. I've had the same experience and it truly bugs me. I'm #4 out of 5 children so it's not just first born tendencies (although since there is 4 years between me & my brother I'm more like a first born - who knows). Anyway, I hate putting together events for these very reasons. Every single time I some one not follow the rules I set out. I'm not sure what I would have done in your situation and the late arrival. While I would have been tempted to tell her "too bad," more likely I would have stayed and been highly annoyed at doing so.

Romany said...

Interesting reactions. So, it's not just me and it's not just this side of the Atlantic!

Paula, I can sort of understand where you are coming from. It must be irritating to try to keep up with things that don't upset you but seem to upset others.

Have you ever turned up to a homeschool event 10 minutes after it FINSHED, though? 10 mins after it started I can understand! LOL! That can happen to anyone.

Romany said...

Hi Dee Dee!

I tried to visit your blog a couple of times, yesterday and today and my K9 web-blocker thingy won't allow me to. It says your site is 'suspicious'. I'm not sure what that means, but I am sorry! LOL!

Deedee said...

Hi Dorothy! Sorry. I just saw this comment. I'm not sure what has done it other than the fact that I have put a Christian music video from youtube thinging on my sidebar and that might be it? Do you have any trouble viewing youtube with your new computer? Can you view the UK blog? Can you view any other HSB blogs? Just trying to narrow down the possiblilities? :o) You can email me on uk_usa_jenkins@dsl.pipex.com if it is easier to communicate that way. - Deedee

Romany said...

Hi Deedee,

It could be that. My computer wil automatically block youtube without a password, but that option doesn't come up for your blog.

I have had problems with HSB blogs in the past. Some I can't comment on, some I can't even read. It's weird.

I'll try again when I get time.

wdworkman said...

Most of the homeschoolers in my community are young too. I'm happy to at least have some blog friends with teenage homeschoolers.

Janet W
(Mother of 16 & 11 yo homeschoolers)
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/wdworkman/

Cynthia said...

Yea.. it's irritating.....

Kristine said...

Just chiming in that hsers are unfortunately notorious for failing to show up at all. I've seen it in both Colorado cities where I've lived, and now here in rural Virginia. People "commit" to a field trip and then just don't show up, don't call. The field trip sponsor is left hugely embarrassed with a fraction of the people she'd made plans for. Because of this, one group required a small payment to hold your spot; another had a "three strikes" rule, if you just "didn't show" for three events without canceling, you couldn't participate for the rest of the year. It's hugely problematic.

But I don't think it's only hs parents, it's everybody. Our library closes at 5 (or 8, depending on the day). We make an announcement at 4:30 (because the public computers shut down at 4:45). We make an announcement at 4:50. If people are still wandering aimlessly, we make an announcement at 4:55. We will approach people individually and advise them, "We are closing in a few minutes, you'll need to come to a checkout counter." Some people don't think anything of waiting until 5--when we begin turning out the lights--and bringing two dozen items up for checkout.

If I had been in your position, Dorothy, I would have apologized, "Oh, I am so sorry! We closed ten minutes ago! How unfortunate that you weren't able to make it in time." I would have sincerely meant that, but I would not have stayed for them.