I'm never sure what to say to people when I'm ill with depression.
When friends ask how I am, what am I supposed to say? 'Rubbish. I didn't want to get up this morning. I haven't cleaned my kitchen floor for weeks. I cry in the shower every morning. So, how are you?'
I once was depressed for about 6 years. I hope this time doesn't last as long. Well, I would hope, if I could actually feel that emotion at the moment. But mostly what I feel is just ill. The kids haven't noticed yet. I haven't told Jamie because he's quite down himself right now. For the first time since we left Canada, I'd describe him as very low. The only time he was much worse than this was when each of his parents died.
I think it's all the stress of the last year of church problems finally catching up with us. Having to face the start of another church search is a task which seems like just another impossible mountain to climb. But off we go on Sunday to visit another one and we pray that we'll be wanted this time.
Matt Redman's song 'Even Though I Walk' keeps bursting into my head with lines like 'there will be an end to these trouble for the heart that holds on.' And so I guess, as long as God speaks to me through music like this, I can trust Him to do the hoping for me.
EVEN THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY
Of the shadow of death,
Your perfect love is casting out fear.
And even when I'm caught in the middle
Of the storms of this life,
I won't turn back; I know You are near.
And I will fear no evil,
For my God is with me.
And if my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear,
Whom then shall I fear?
O no, You never let go,
Through the calm and through the storm.
O no, You never let go,
n every high and every low
O no, You never let go,
Lord You never let go of me.
And I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on,
A glorious light beyond all compare.
And there will be an end to these troubles,
But until that day comes,
We'll live to know You here on the earth.
Yes, I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on,
And there will be an end to these troubles,
But until that day comes,
Still I will praise You,
still I will praise You.
Matt & Beth RedmanCopyright © 2005 Thankyou
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16 comments:
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Praying for you.
(((Dorothy)))
Praying for you and Jamie that you both will be in Isaiah 40: 28-31
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint..
After every great victory we are shown that is when we are most vulnerable and "low" - like Elijah after his great victory and the killing of the 450 false prophets - he then sinks low and runs from Jezebel. We see King David going through spiritual victory and then depression -- you're in good company! I am praying that God will lift you out and that you and Jamie will see the fruit or work. Isaiah 61 - you and Jamie remind me of the oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. If you are able to listen to one of my favorite commentarists on a topical study of I Kings 19:1-18 I pray it will minister to you.
http://www.joncourson.com/teaching/teachings.asp?book=1kings
In His Love,
Lis from SHS
{{{{{{{{{{{Dorothy}}}}}}}}}}}} Can you get some Rx to help you through these difficult times?
Dorothy,
Did you read the post I put on my blog last weekend? This is the very song that came to mind as I was praying for you last weekend and I even posted about you and the song on the day of your event. I'm SO sorry you're going through such a struggle.
You are so right Dorothy, most people don't REALLY want to know how you are and if you are honest with them and tell them you feel rubbish, then they tend to run a mile! At least that has been my experience. I know where you are, I just wish I could be closer for you, even if it was just for us both to cry on each others shoulders! LOL.
I know I haven't helped, but I will pray for you.
{{hugs}}
Dorothy,
Please know that you are held up in many, many prayers. It's never easy to go through these difficult times. I struggle with minor depression from time to time. I say "minor" since I've not used prescription meds for it but probably should have once or twice. One thing I have found lately that really works is a homeopathic remedy called Sepia. Not sure if you can find it over there or not but I would think you could. Three 200c doses & I'm better for about six weeks when I take another dose. (((((Hugs)))))
Dorothy,
I will pray for you. I have never suffered from depression--I think I was born happy, and I stay that way about 95% of the time, but my husband has struggled with depression for years, sometimes to the point of being completely incapacitated. Hope is there, even when you can't feel it.
Sending hugs and prayers,
Paula
Thanks for the support guys.
Renee, I can't take the popular SSRI meds. I had a devastating reaction to them during the last major depresion. And I'm not prepepared to risk the non-SSRI meds.
Dorothy, I love that song. Thanks for being real. God has given me "themes," for various seasons of my life. Last year it was, "Surrender." Right now, it's "Be real." I appreciate your honesty. This life is tough...and it's nice to know that we aren't alone in our trials. I'm continuing to pray for you all.
Understandable Dorothy... I had a friend that had a bad reaction as well (before I knew her)
They say that CBT can be as effective as medication - there's an online thing lots of drs recommend called moodgym (not sure how to put link in a comment) but if I were your GP I'd probably say that with all you've been through over the past few months it's entirely unsurprising you and Jamie feel as you do.
Hi Jan,
I went through CAT (cognitive analytical therapy) last time and found it worse than useless. Sometimes, I thnk that depression is something you have to go through rather than hope for some sort of cure. I don't plan on seeing my GP because I know he has nothing to offer.
That's not as bleak as it sounds, though. Sometimes, when you stop chasing a cure and accept where you are, you can just keep going until the illness wears itself out.
Can I be mundane and suggest Vitamin C?
In bulk. Like minimum 3g per day timed release at least until you wee bright yellow and you know you are wasting your money on too much Vitamin C?!
I'm not kidding. I've found it life changing. All the other stuff too, and prayers heading your way, but try the vitamin C, OK?
Jackie
x
{hugs} I've been dealing with anxiety which kicked in rather than the depression that would have been "understandable" during our recent issues. It's hard because as a believer I get frustrated that even with strong faith I still deal with it. (Frustration really kicked in after reading or being told that if my faith were real/strong enough, whatever, I wouldn't have it. sigh) My prayers are with you. Lay it at the Lord's feet and know that He is with you through it. Knowing that even if it doesn't go away I'm not alone in dealing with it has helped a ton... I might be walking in it now but He's walking in it right with me. However, I did start taking meds after about 6 weeks of not being able to make a dent in it. I think that meds are useful when needed, but as you said sometimes it's a normal and needed response to what life is like at the moment. Praying for sunshine in your life...
Yes, you know what? There is a time when being depressed or anxious is just plain sensible. When both my parents died, some crazy doctor thought I ought to be on meds for depression. Thankfully, I had a friend who was a clinical psychologist, who said, hold on, has he never heard of reactive depression? Which is like, you're depressed because you have something to be depressed about? In which case, working through it is way wiser than supressing it?!
I think some of us who do occasionally suffer from clinical depression can be the last to spot reactive depression.
Still praying for you - this weather isn't going to help any of us who suffer from SAD, but we're only two months from the turn around now!
If winter comes, can spring be far behind?
Jackie
I haven't any helpful suggestions but I will be praying for you.
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