Autism and Being Alone

All the books say that people with ASD need plenty of time alone. Doing their thing. Yes, they need 'socialisation opportunities' but the general assumption is that they crave aloneness because they need it, in order to decompress and make sense for the world and for ther brains to work through, and recover from, all the experiences and stimuli which stress them so much.

I do think this is right. I've instinctively known, from when Grace was very young, that she seemed to need more down-time than most. Long, busy days with lots of people and sights, sounds and smells etc in them would usually precipitate a major tantrum or meltdown, as some people call them. It was easier to get the balance right before her VERY sociable brother came along. {vbg} Then I was a very miserable mummy indeed, trying to accomodate the competing needs of two children who were diametrically opposed in nature.

Grace goes through phases of being pretty sociable and really quite socially capable and other phases of being inside her own head, 'absent', nasty when interrupted or called down from her room for dinner. I've never been able to work out a pattern to this behaviour. It didn't seem to be diet-related or cycle-related or causally linked, in any way. Of course, in the back of my mind, I'm aware that, for many teenage girls with autism, bi-polar disorder is one of those 'co-morbid' conditions. I am on the look out for all those co-morbid conditions, but she is not that extreme. Just more extreme than the average non-autistic 16 year old. {g}

It's always baffled me a bit. Until today. I hadn't seen her since lunch time (5 hours ago) and knocked on her door to bring her a letter that arrived this morning. Her reaction? She snapped, 'You always have to interrupt me, don't you?'

I was quite shocked. I gently explained that I hadn't seen her since lunchtime and would like to sit down and have a little chat with her. She began to look remorseful. She genuinely hadn't realised that it had been several hours since she'd been out of her room. I looked at the drawing she'd been doing. We chatted about the letter she read. We prayed about something she was worrying about. And I left her alone again.

Now, here I am, thinking this through. We've had Half Term this week. I thought she'd enjoy a relaxing week of few engagements, days at home, the ability to chill out and draw/sing/watch dvds etc. She hasn't appeared to enjoy it. She's been crabby and snapped at everyone. I'm wondering if, even though she can't process too much stimulation in one go and does NEED to decompress immediately after having been out of the house for eg, her concept of time is so poor that no amount of time by herself is ever enough. She still thinks she is being constantly interrupted even if we only knock on her door once or twice a day.

Just when I thought we had her figured out...