Jack had been so excited about recently starting a course leading to a recognised qualification. It is a Drama GCSE. He loves the drama workshops he's attended over the years and has been told by various teachers that he has a talent in this area. So, we were thrilled to hear that a course for home-educated teenagers was being arranged by the director of a Theatre-in-Education company. This would provide Jack with one of the crucial pre-requisites that he needs in order to go on to tertiary education, and something I could not provide at home. The examination would consist of one 3 hour exam (essay questions) and one short drama, written by the students and performed and filmed, the video being sent off to an external moderator for assessment.
On Monday, the parents were given the scheme of work. It included reading several plays I was not happy about, the worst being Equus by Peter Shaffer. I saw this play when I was at university studying C20th Literature. I didn't like it then. It's dark and ugly. I wasn't even a Christian at the time, but my spirit felt oppressed by it.
So, now I had a dilemma. The group of parents with sons and daughters on the course are mostly non-christian, some of them are home-educating for very different reasons than us, for eg because their child did not get into their first choice school or because they wanted to raise their children 'autonomously'. I knew the whole group would not agree with me that it was a problem for a 13 year old to read and discuss the issues in this play. Reluctantly, however, Jack, Jamie and I all agreed, that if reading this play was compulsory, we would need to withdraw from the group.
I emailed the group and the teacher to let them know. Two other parents, both Christians agreed, explaining that this play and one other were unacceptable to us and asking if there was any alternative. The teacher gave us 2 alternates, which, because all modern drama seems to be fairly dark and depressing, is a compromise anyway. I've accepted those. (Waiting for Godot has replaced Equus.)
But now of course comes the reaction. Private and public emails criticising my faith (which was not mentioned in my email), my parenting, my lack of trust in the teacher, who is a christian himself, my intellect and other aspects of my character. The other parents, and one vociferous student, want a big meeting and discussion in the new year about whether they can accept the alternate plays. I've said there would be no hard feelings if we had to drop out. We can't continue on the course if they decide to go ahead with the original list of plays.
In my email I only said that I was 'struggling' with the darkness of the themes and concerned about whether Jack was ready for such a play and wondered if there were alternatives we could use. But because we are Christians and because so many HE'ers are not and are prejudiced against us, there was an automatic rush to judgement: to accuse me of divisiveness, of censorship, of shielding my children from the real world, of giving the others, who were quite happy with the plays, an ultimatum etc etc.
After 12 years of Home-educating in the UK and 10 of those as a Christian now, I am sooooo tired of these conflicts. I want to co-operate with the HE'ing community and have a personality type which wants to fit in and hates conflict, but yet again, I seem to be involved in more conflict.
And I'm sad that Jack is probably going to be excluded from this opportunity to gain a useful academic qualification. And to shine, which he would have done. I'm also sad that I had to tell him the storyline and themes of the Equus, so that he would know what was going on. It pained me to see the loss of innocence just giving him the synopsis caused, the horrified look on his face. But, we felt it important to have his full agreement about this decision, which we do.
Lord, how are we to live *in* this world yet not *of* it? Sometimes, it's just too hard a demand to make of us. How much involvement do You want us to have? How much do You want us to be separate, a holy people? You want us to be as 'wise as serpents yet gentle as doves'. How do we do that, without getting as dirty as serpents or as lofty as doves?
I would love to read others' comments.
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14 comments:
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, Dorothy! But I absolutely think you did the right thing. Jack is your first priority. I'm totally unfamiliar with Equus, and I think I want to stay that way!
You've done the right thing, D! One of our friend's children, a college student, actually had her gift of playing violin taken away from (by God)while trying to play music in a school production that was dark and contained conflict/confusion. The Lord never allowed her to learn the piece. She ended up having to step down from the production, at which time her gift returned to her. It was a great lesson for her! (And she is a brilliant violinist!) ~Yvonne
I also think you have made the right decision. I think young people are introduced far too early to such 'darkness' and still struggle with why so many other parents just accept it or find it acceptable. When I was a similar age to Jack I was made to read a book for English. It disturbed me greatly and still does today. My father went and complained but unfortunately the damage had already been done as a large chunk of the book had been read in class.
My YS has just been show a film at school. It is a PG, - yes Parental Guidance. Were we told about it beforehand. NO, we only found out AFTER he had been shown it. It is something we would NEVER have allowed him to watch, not only because of his ASD, but also because of the lack of morals it displays. And what happened? He reinacted some of the things that the film portrayed as 'OK and funny'. This time if we get called in to school, we will just say, 'Well what do you expect if you should children films like these. It makes me so mad.
It is a tough one Dorothy. People are so unforgiving and I believe feel threatend by those perceived as 'different' who stand up for their beliefs and faiths.
{{Hugs}}
I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I know how tough it is to make these kinds of decisions in order to protect our children. But, I think you made the right call!
I am not familiar with Equus either, but I just read a brief write up of the theme. It sounds horrible from the beginning and only got worse. Sickening.
Dorothy. You have done the right thing. There will be many times throughout Jack's life when similar events happen, and it is a **blessing** that you and Jamie can help him through this now, to model for him, and to discuss the situation in total.
You have written more frequently lately about the constant attack you feel as a Christian hser. I have nothing of value to offer except that we know to expect persecution--although many think of it involving bloody violence, that's not necessarily the case. You have only One to whom you have to answer . . .
Standing up for ours kids can be hard work but so worth it. Keep up the good work and don't let those people ruffle your feathers. If I had a nickle for the times I was told I was sheltering my kids, I'd be rich! Those same people always tell me how great my kids are.LOL
Dorothy,
As difficult as it may be you did the right thing. It is our job as parents to decide what is best for your children and that is what you did.
It's like MIS. I could have sent MJ back this year and even stayed in Germany so she could graduate from there in 09. It would have been great for her to get into good colleges coming from an international school with an IB diploma... but it was not best for her soul and that is the most important part of my job as a parent.
Thanks guys for the reassurance. It still feels painful. I hate it hanging over us during Christmas, but in my mind the decision is already made. If they decide to accomodate the christians in the group by accepting the alternates then we may reconsider.
Oh Dorothy! I'm so sorry about all this unpleasantness! I believe you are doing the right thing in this situation as I don't think that play is anything that anyone EVER needs to be exposed to (and I just read the summary on your link!!)
I know what it feels like to be 'shunned' and 'persecuted' by non Christian home eders. We have several families in our town who no longer come to our support group because we are too particular and protective and religous for their liking. But do they have to walk on the other side of the road and pretend they don't even know us??? I've come to the conclusion that it is a case of 'darkness' and 'light' not being able to occupy the same space. They prefer their 'darkness' and if they allow you into their lives then the 'light' within you will illuminate their space. I hope this makes sense! Please be encouraged that their are others who agree with your wholeheartedly!! Jack is your responsibility and you are doing a FABULOUS job with him so keep up the good work!!! (((HUGS)))
Thanks for the encouragement, Deedee. More and more parents are coming out and saying what they think about the play choices, so hopefully, something will be worked out.
Your experience is, sadly, one I've seen over and over again since we have home-educated.
Holly, Are you pretending to be Kristine again? {LOL!}
These decisions are so hard. I'm glad Jack understands and agrees with your decision.
OOPS!! Have I done that before? I catch it quite a bit, poor Holly!
:) LOL
I remember during the 13 years that we homeschooled how many decisions we had to make. . .how many comments we received from some people and etc. etc . I always take one decision at a time . .pray it through and wait for peace. You are doing a great job Dorothy! Rock on!
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