We've been through such a lot in the last two weeks. We've been criticised, attacked, questioned, gossipped about, maligned......by our brothers and sisters in Christ at our church. The criticism is mostly founded on the fact that we 'spend too much time with our children'. By this they mean that we don't leave them to go to church events in the evening, unless we can possibly help it. Home education hasn't been mentioned but we know this is not approved of either. {sigh}
Why won't people accept that we have been called by God to make the parenting decisions we have done? Is it better, in God's eyes, to have a father leave his teenagers, who want to talk to him, so he can go out to meet with other men to pray? We don't think so. Is it better for us to leave our disabled daughter in the tender care of her little brother so we can attend a 'parenting course'? Has no one in the church a sense of irony at all?
The last two weeks we have been at the centre of some controversy at church which is extremely painful for us. I hate being the centre of attention. I hate confrontation. I have not enjoyed people calling me up to ask it it's true what has been said to us. I don't like being called out to meetings to 'discuss our situation'. I hate it that people have felt the need to 'take sides.'
I didn't much enjoy silently crying when a woman, who has a disabled 32 year old son, squeeze my hand and tell me that SHE wouldn't have gone out in the evening to a home-group when her child was 17 either. He would not have been safe. Jamie and I were quite right. Just knowing that *someone* else understood our unique circumstances, made me weep with gratitude and relief. Unfortunately, it was whispered to me during a church meeting. I would much rather *not* have cried at that particular instant!
We are so weary of this church. And of always feeling like outsiders wherever we go. How wonderful it will be to be welcomed into Heaven. 'Here you go, Guys!' I fully expect the Lord to exclaim, 'This is your real home! Welcome!' What bliss. To NOT be strangers. To be finally welcomed.
As Churchill apparently said, 'If you are going through Hell, keep going!'*
*Hat tip - Yvonne
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16 comments:
Dear Dorothy,
My heart goes out to you. May you know God's peace in this trying situation. May He give you strength. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all. love, Liz
D, you and I have much in common right now. Not the exact issues...but fellowship in carrying our cross. It's tough to experience this type of refining fire at the hands of brothers and sisters in Christ. We're having church issues too... Anyways, I'm sending love and hugs your way. Keep going!
Dorothy, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Why do Christians feel the need to tear each other apart? You know that you are in the Lord's will, doing what He has asked of you. Sadly some people will be very threatened by the way you live your life, because just by being who you are, you are a challenge to them. Praying for you and for them.
Katy
Dorothy -
I am just so sorry that you are going through this. Just wanted to offer you a big cyber hug.
Oh Dorothy! I'm so sorry about all of this! Churches can be soo difficult at times, as can the people in them! :o) Praying for strength for you to stand on what God has told you to do! (((HUGS)))
Dorothy, you and Jamie continue you amaze me with your steadfast love for this church after so much pain.
I will be praying for you and your family.
Dorothy - is it too late to invite you to the states for a good long visit? I think a fantastic SHS weekend is in order.
How precious (and truly significant, be thankful for this) that you and Jamie are in agreement. It would be incredibly hard to face this alone. Instead, know that you two are united and LISTENING to the Lord and His call on your life.
Maybe God is allowing you to be at the center (should I say 'centre') of this storm in order to convict change within the church. Perhaps He wants to use you (as much as you HATE it) to stir up the thinking in other parents.
You are picking up your cross! Praying you won't buckle under the weight.
We are praying too, Dorothy. We love you. Joelyn
So sorry. Praying for you. It has been a hard year hasn't it?
Prayers for strength...personally I'd tell them to mind their own business. What they are doing is morally wrong and they should be put on notice. I'd not stay if that sort of thing continued...not a pious place of worship, and not worth a martyrship. The pastor should put a stop to that gossip.
Don't take it Dorothy - Give 'em hell ~ Harry Truman.
((Hugs))
James, Dorothy, you guys are "spot on!" in your priorities! Blessings upon you and your great kids!
Cheers-
Scotty
Dorothy, I'm praying for you and your family--and your church--here.
{{{Dorothy}}}
I don't know what else to say, except that I am praying for you.
((((((Dorothy))))) Praying.
Must admit it took far less "church family fussiness and fueds" for me to lose patience and give up on it all together. Church families seem to have far less grace, patience, kindness.. with each other than they should it seems.
I wouldn't be surprised if it did come back to home educating lifestyle being a big part of this. For some reason people and churches who aren't very into home educating and/or truly close families and parents who fully wish to parent their children just don't get it. Not everyone wishes their own free time to go to all these meetings and groups if it means less time with their children. Sorry you're going through all this just because of your and Jamie's good family values.
Thanks everyone for your support.
It's an unusual church with lots of problems. I wonder if, in a year's time, the make-up of the membership, leadership or even the pastor will be the same? We are hanging in there. Someone told us the other day that we had reacted with integrity and grace which is really good, because I have a tendency to get dramatic and angry!
I do believe that God desires for us to be in churches, Jodi, just as He puts us in families. It's how we sharpen our faith and practise our skills! Loving unlovable people *is* a skill! {vbg} It sounds like you have expectations of Christians which are not necessarily realistic.{g} We're sinners, all of us. I don't know ANY Christian who claims to be less of a sinner than a non-Christian. A church *is* just a group of sinners struggling to follow Jesus' teaching.
An update to all this is that we have put considerable time and effort into re-considering our parenting philosophy and feel even more strongly that what we're doing is right and can now articulate those ideas better. So, perhaps this is exactly what we needed!{g}
It's Sunday morning and we are off to church soon. I need to pray. I need God's help in showing love to certain people. I hope they are also praying about showing love to me! {vbg}
That's right Dorothy, we are all sinners which makes it so important that we summon up Christian courage to rebuke and correct the sinner(the gossipers, the calumniators). We care about souls. If we are sinning, we are not reaping the gifts of the Holy Spirit; we are not growing in grace. If you must suffer, teach as well. You obviously are bearing more fruit because you are following the example and teachings of Christ more closely. You are in the unique position to nurture a withered soul.
Not everyone has a clear understanding of right and wrong. In a church family, it's important that people continue to grow spiritually; not have their blatantly sinful behavior left unnoticed. Some will not listen because they are not ready, but we have an obligation to try. You certainly have the Lord's backing in this case to fight back with the patience, firmness, and kindness with Scripture, not suffer silently.
Praying for courage for you and your family. May St. Michael protect you.
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