Guess what happens when you are about to hit 50 in this country? The Government sends you a bunch of roses? No. The Queen sends you a congratulatory telegram? No. That's a hundred. Half way to that one.
You get an automatic invitation from the National Health Service Computer to attend your first routine mammogram.
Gosh. Thanks. You really shouldn't have.
Readers of a nervous disposition should look away now.
I didn't sleep very well last night worrying about it. And when I did sleep, I dreamed about turning up late, going to the wrong building, getting lost and the nurses all being inexplicably angry with me.
I did get a *little* lost as the car park, in which the mobile br*ast screening unit (a big trailer) was parked, was sign-posted 'Cataract Surgery Mobile Unit.' I think that was deliberate. Middle-aged anxious women get confused easily. Someone clearly thought that would be hilarious to see us driving around in circles for 15 minutes.
The nice Australian radiographer tried to put me at my ease but, I'm sorry, anyone standing naked from the waist up is going to feel somewhat at a disadvantage to anyone talking to them who is *fully clothed*. It tends to stifle relaxed conversation. She also tried to distract me from the 'discomfort' of the 'firm pressure' as she manhandled parts of me into unfeasibly contorted shapes, by asking me really difficult and complex questions about HOMESCHOOLING. I found myself unable to answer coherently. I felt as though I was having to defend my thesis in front of a panel of professors at a university. She'll probably alert social services about me now as I did a very good impersonation of someone who had only just recently learned how to talk. 'Yes, er...No, I think so. Can I go home now?'
I stumbled out, replaced my clothing and ran for the car. I mean, there was a cubicle just outside the mammogram room. I don't mean I bolted naked into the car park, re-dressing as I ran to the car. Though I wanted to.
I don't want to do that again for another three years.
And let that be an end on't.
Of course, this is all just further evidence of my continuing scrumdilliumptiousness. Liz.
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11 comments:
Ah we get that particular invite here at 40....at least if you use the military medical system. LOL
Ugh, I was still nursing at 40. I can't imagine squishing them like that when they are still, you know, working.{vbg}
LOL, Dorothy, only you can make going for a mamogram seem intesesting and humorous!
I've gone once and really, really need to go again, but it seems to keep slipping my mind!
Glad it is over for you and you can sleep again.
Good lands -- you need to be CAREFUL if you're being scrumpdilliumptious while you're only half-dressed. Surely I didn't endorse THAT!
I'm afraid everything you said here I've feeling fried thinking it was bare-chested -- dreaming of being late & at the wrong building & angry nurses while flopping around...having a hs quiz while getting Too Much Air...stumbling out & running for the car with body parts flying along behind.
Egads! Just say no to healthcare. Stress shortens your life, don't you know? And it's REALLY a bad sign when a mammogram on the Other Side of the Ocean causes heart palpitations all the way over here!
I'm just going to close my eyes & hope this all goes away.
Also, I must say, I do not relish the idea of anyone's computer keeping track of the age of my breasts. Don't I have ENOUGH issues to deal with already?
They caught me in between pregnancies and nursings...but not this year!!!
You're braver than I, Dorothy. I had to go for the first time this year as well, but you won't see me blogging about it (LOL).... YOU otoh have a GREAT way with words and made it funny to read about.
Dorothy,
Seeing your 2006 award nominee thing reminded me that I never did hear who won.... I'll have to go check out that website again.
Only you could inject humor into such a topic. Now when it's my turn I will laugh and forget my nerves...yeah right!
Dorothy, you are blessed to only have to start getting them now at the big 50. I actually had my first one at 35 because of a benign lump I found when I was 31. Now, that I am 41 I get one once a year. I never had one that hurt all that bad but the one I had last summer . . that lady flattened me so much I let out a "yelp" I just couldn't help it . . I didn't think I could be pressed down that flat :-)
Ooh, just found your blog via the awards. I'm one of your very happy customers. Big wave!
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